Monthly Archives: April 2013

Ignorance is bliss?

I have always felt somewhat conflicted about the old saying, “Ignorance is bliss.”  As a strong proponent of education, I have a hard time promoting ignorance.  However, there are times when I think ignorance might be bliss.  For example, when I am enjoying a chocolate chip cookie, I often feel that the cookie would be a bit more sweet if I could just be blissfully ignorant of the calories I am consuming. So…maybe, sometimes, ignorance is bliss. 😉

While an occasional dose of chocolate-chip-cookie-ignorance might feel a bit blissful, ignorance is not a comfort to us when we are frustrated, scared, or unsure.  I am quick to ask the same questions I think we all turn to when we need reassurance: “How come? What if? Why?”  But maybe, even in that ignorance, that place of unknowns, there is still joy to be found.  Perhaps we need to embrace our ignorance. We need to acknowledge that we don’t know everything, and keep moving forward trusting in the One who knows everything.

When I was a toddler, my parents were in a car accident.  No one was hurt, but they were left with a dent in the side of their car.  I’m sure my parents, though glad we were all ok, were no doubt frustrated.  They maybe asked some of the questions any of us would ask: “Why now?  How will we come up with the cash to fix the car? What was the other driver thinking?”

Shortly after their accident, before they had time to repair the dent, we were all climbing out of the car one morning when a motorcycle roared past.  Startled by the loud sound, I jumped back, and my mom slammed the car door shut on my tiny, two-year-old arm.  When my mom looked down in panic, she saw my arm resting perfectly in the dent that had been made just a few days earlier. While the force of the door slamming should have crushed my little arm, I was completely unharmed.  I am certain that any questions my parents may have had about “why” their car had been damaged disappeared in that instant.  “Why” the dent had been created no longer mattered; they were just glad that it was there.

Proverbs 3:5-6 urges us to “Trust in the Lord…lean not onto your own understandings,” and assures us that when we do, “He will direct your path.”   God doesn’t promise to answer all of our questions, and He doesn’t promise that our lives will be free of dents, but He promises that He has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11).  So I will strive to find joy in my journey by looking for bliss in my ignorance; I will surrender my “own understandings” and trust that He will direct my path.  Life is full of dents, and while we won’t always see their purpose, we can still find joy. My joy is not in the dents themselves, but in knowing that I am ignorant; I don’t know the whole story. And while I don’t know the whole story, I can know the One who does, and I can trust that with Him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26); even finding protection from future damage by the dents that past damages have left behind.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Bliss ;)

Chocolate Chip Cookie Bliss 😉

Today, joy was a nap.

Today, joy was a nap. Kai has been an extremely pleasant, easy-going baby, and he has been sleeping through the night for weeks now: clearly, an over-achieving three month old.  However, for the past week he has decided to switch things up, and he has been getting up multiple times during the night again.  Last night he took a “nap” at 9:00, was up again by 10:00, and didn’t go to bed “for the night” until a little after 11:00.  He was up at 2:30, and again at 4:00.  We all slept from 5:00-7:00, when his brother started to stir, and I woke up with a killer headache.  Factor in a head cold and a snowstorm in April, and this could have been a recipe for disaster.  But it wasn’t.

This morning, after breakfast, I gave both boys a bath, and that’s when it happened: Kai took a nap.  He doesn’t often sleep well during the day, but today he did.  Just when I needed a “break,” I got one.  He slept long enough that I got to do some dishes; spend some overdue one-on-one time with Keilan; enjoy a cup of coffee while cuddling with Keilan & his favorite, Finding Nemo; have a nice, quite lunch (as quiet as lunch with a two-year-old boy can be!); and (thanks to their naps overlapping for almost half an hour) I even got to work out for 27 minutes before he woke up.

I’m still tired, and my sinuses are still declaring mutiny; but today I needed a little reprieve from life-as-usual, and I was given one.  Rather than bemoan my cold or wish I had been able to make my work out an even half hour, I will be grateful for the break I received and take joy in that.  Today, joy was a nap.

Joy was a nap.

Joy: 15¢/bag

When it comes to language, I’m a bit of a nerd.  I appreciate the multiple facets that any given word can have.  Take, for instance, the word “joy.” The first definition of “joy,” as listed by Merriam Webster, encompasses a fairly broad range of emotions and situations: “The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.”  I am comfortable with finding “joy” in my journey because it is bigger than simply desiring to be happy all the time.  I feel it encompasses feelings broader than happiness: feelings of contentment, pride, excitement, and accomplishment.

However, I also think it is important to look for joy as Merriam Webster’s third definition defines it: “A source or cause of delight.”  Because while finding joy might not always result in feeling happy, I feel we must not overlook sources of delight in our daily journeys either.  For example, last week I found that you can purchase joy at Target for just 15¢/bag.

After Easter this year, I decided to buy a few bags of easter grass when it was 70% off.  I figured that a bag of easter grass would provide me and Keilan with a fun, and inexpensive, activity to do together some afternoon.  After all, what two-year old doesn’t enjoy having something new to explore?  So a few days later I dumped two bags of easter grass and some magnetic letters into a plastic bin and gave it to Keilan. He immediately found this to be a “source of delight.” As he searched through the grass, the look on his face was evidence that he was experiencing joy, as Webster’s student dictionary defines it: a feeling of great pleasure or happiness. And I found great joy in his.

Later, I was struck by the simplicity of that easter grass.  It wasn’t anything terribly special.  It certainly didn’t have a high monetary value. And yet, it was a source of delight. I did not go to the store looking to purchase joy; but when I experienced this simple thing through the eyes of a child, joy was what I found.

It is easy to feel that we would experience greater joy if we had more money, if we had more vacation time, if we could travel to far off places, etc. However, I think the secret to possessing more joy isn’t in gaining things we don’t have but in appreciating the sources of joy that we already possess.  This time I purchased joy for 15¢/bag, but the joy didn’t come from my extravagant purchase.  It came in appreciating something ordinary as something more.

So, as I continue on my quest to find joy in my journey, I might not always be blissful.  However, I can strive to appreciate the things I have. I can stop coveting things I do not possess. I can see things through the wonder-filled eyes of a child. And if I am on the look out for “sources of delight,” in everyday experiences, I might find myself residing in yet another facet of “joy” just a bit more often: experiencing a sweet “state of happiness” as I journey along.

Joy: 15¢/bag

Joy in Weakness

The great thing about two-year olds is that they are enthusiastic about trying new things and about doing things for themselves.  One of the most difficult things about having a two-year old, is that he likes to do things for himself.  As much as I love that Keilan wants to zip his own jacket, it can be devastating to watch him melt as he struggles to do it on his own; and even harder when he fights my assistance.  Sometimes it is maddening to watch him struggle for so long at a task that would be so easily accomplished if he would just allow me to help.

When Keilan was younger, getting from the car to the store was a pretty simple task. I would pick him up, and I would carry him in. Now, when he is feeling his  two year-old best, he often tries to run ahead without me when we get out of the car.  I love his enthusiasm, but even at his top speeds, we tend to move more slowly than if I were just to carry him.  At his top speeds, I often need to chase him down to get him back on course. And when he is keeping step with me, I need to adjust my stride to account for his little legs.  When he is feeling great, the idea of being carried is offensive.  My offer to carry him part of the way is met with an insistent, “I walk.”  However, when he is tired or not feeling his best, he often cries for me to carry him.  “No, down, Momma. Carry? Up, Momma?” and he rests his head on my shoulder.  Even though I am carrying his extra 33 pounds, I can still get him where we need to be more quickly those days because we aren’t in a struggle over which direction to go or at what speed we will get there.

Lately, I have been feeling a bit tired; weary.  There are a number of things that I am working on right now that I feel I might never accomplish, and a few decisions that I need to make where I am very uncertain of the answers.  I have two amazing boys; who don’t always sleep as long as I would like them to at night and who need constant tending to during the day.  Life isn’t bad, but it isn’t easy either. I am a bit tired, and I have been striving to find joy in this time of weakness.  Not just in celebrating the small stuff, but to find actual joy in the fact that I feel weary.

Keilan hasn’t been feeling great this week, and he has been quick to let me carry him when we have been out.  And, while I am eager for him to feel better, I have noticed that he has been exerting a little less independence than usual; I have been able to help him more easily.  Perhaps, this is where I find my joy.  In Corinthians 12: 7-10 (MSG), Paul writes that in a time where he felt weak, God gave him a reminder: “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”  Maybe my joy comes in weakness because in my weakness, I will give up on doing it in my own strength and be forced to rely on His.  Instead of running ahead, and quite possibly off course, I will let Him carry me.

Keilan is a toddler. He needs to struggle through zipping his coat and walking on his own; this is how he will learn and grow.  Maybe I need to go through this time of being tired in order to learn and grow as well.  But right now, I will not focus on why I am going through this time.  Instead, I will attempt to quit struggling and let my Heavenly Father carry me. I will find joy in my weakness and find that in Him I have strength. I will find joy as I move forward declaring, along with Paul, that this is, “A case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

Joy in Weakness

Celebrating the Small Stuff

I think it is important to celebrate the small stuff in life.  Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays are all great reasons to celebrate, but they don’t happen everyday, and I think every day calls for celebration.  That being said, some days are easier to celebrate than others.  Yesterday my “small stuff” turned three months old. Our little Kai has been making our family more fabulous for a quarter of a year already: this is reason to celebrate. Yesterday was also my best friend’s thirty-third birthday: this is reason to celebrate. However, even in the midst of great reasons to celebrate, it can still be easy to feel tired and to feel overwhelmed with life.

Yesterday was one of those days when the journey just felt a bit more arduous than joyful.  I am always striving to find joy in the journey, but some days it is easier than others. Yesterday morning the mountain of laundry and dishes seemed overwhelming, finishing my dissertation seemed like an impossible dream; and when my husband wished me a “good day” on his way out the door, I wasn’t really expecting a “good” day to actually materialize. I knew we were going out to celebrate my friend’s birthday at night, but the rest of “life” that we had to get through before then seemed significantly less than joyful. Then, as I cleaned up breakfast and finished the day’s first round of diaper changes, I realized that we were out of infant formula and I would need to make a trip to the grocery store: before Kai’s next feeding.

Most moms of two little boys are probably brave and venture out to the grocery store earlier than the youngest’s three-month mark, but I am not those moms.  I have avoided, up until yesterday, venturing out for groceries “by myself” with my two little boys.  Shopping with one of my little guys is a breeze: two seemed daunting. And I had been lucky enough to avoid this adventure…until now.  So, I packed up the boys, tried to time our outing around Kai’s morning nap, and I told myself that it was time to find joy in this new adventure: today’s “exciting” journey.  The great thing is, when you are determined to find joy, even in the midst of the mundane (or even daunting), it is there.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I prayed for a great parking spot, and I found one: right next to the cart corral, with extra room on each side for removing boys and maneuvering carts.  Today, I found joy in a blessed parking spot.

As I pulled the formula cans off the shelf, I handed them to Keilan, and we counted them together.  I smiled at his two-year old counting skills and his eagerness to help.  Today, I found joy in this “special” time with my little boys.

As we went to check out, the lines were long.  Then, as we finally approached the front of the line, a woman with a not-so-happy toddler in tow frantically asked to budge in front of me to pay for some toothpaste she had left in her cart. I can’t lie: as I let her approach the front of my line, my first instinct was to be annoyed.  After all, I had TWO little boys to keep happy, and she only had one.  But then my impatience departed just as quickly as it had arrived: I became overwhelmingly grateful to have TWO little boys living life with me and to have TWO little boys who were waiting patiently in my cart.  Kai even decided to throw me a winsome grin as if to remind me just how good my spot in line was.  Today, I found joy in letting someone budge in line.

Then, the most blessed gift of all: both boys fell asleep on the way home.  So I determined that since we were all loaded in the car and the boys were napping peacefully, I would just keep driving and we would meet my husband for lunch.  A quick text sent from the driveway confirmed our plans, and I headed out for a drive with my guys.  I swung through the McDonald’s drive-through for a coffee on the way and joyfully arrived at our destination half an hour early.  I parked and sipped my coffee in peace and quiet while the boys napped in the backseat.  I smiled at the brick wall in front of the car because, at that moment, a brick wall had never looked so good.  Sitting there in the warm car with my adorable little men in the backseat and a coffee in my hand felt as luxurious as any vacation I have ever taken.  And as I sat there, I said a prayer of thanks while I celebrated the small stuff: a trip to the grocery store, a chance to meet my husband for lunch, and…a brick wall.

Yesterday, joy wasn’t in simply “surviving” my day with the boys while I waited for the birthday celebration that night.  Joy was in celebrating all the small stuff along the way.  Yesterday, joy was in the journey.

Yes, I do take pictures ALL the time. I think it's important to document the small stuff: like a victorious trip to the grocery store with my cart "full" of boys :)

Yes, I do take pictures ALL the time. I think it is important to document the small stuff: like a victorious trip to the grocery store with my cart “full” of boys 🙂