“Oh, Hi, Mom! I’m ‘wake now!”

Unfortunately, I have been hearing that much more often than I care to; at all hours of the night. My poor little man has a wretched cough that prevents him from sleeping, and frequently his coughing fits are violent enough to convince him that it is morning.

A few nights ago, I woke up at 3:30. I wasn’t sure why; I didn’t think I had heard a cough, but I headed to the boys’ room anyway. And there my guys were: totally, middle-of-the-day awake at 3:30 in the morning. I have no idea how long they had been awake, but they certainly did not look like they believed it was a time for sleeping. Though my exhaustion filled me with desperation at the thought of another short night, I couldn’t help but laugh. Keilan was putting on a puppet show complete with stuffed animals and two-year-old humor (you  know: throwing things, falling on the floor, giggling uncontrollably…), and Kai was a captive audience member. As I watched Kai double over with a 7-month-old, belly-laugh; I laughed too. And I took a picture. After all, I would much prefer that they were sleeping, but since my guys were up and adorable, I felt it didn’t hurt to enjoy this memory for a moment before getting them both back to bed.  Joy can be found in any journey; even one clouded by sleep deprivation…right?!?

Late Night Puppet Show

When I started this blog, I didn’t have a plan; there wasn’t a set schedule. I never felt I needed a weekly goal or even a monthly entry. My goal was to chronicle the joy that I find in my journey, to motivate myself to search for joy along the way…and to encourage others to find joy in their journeys as well. The goal was not to tout how awesome my life is but rather to chronicle how much awesome can be found in spite of all the crazy “life” that life brings.

It has been just over two months since my last blog post, and I must confess that these past few months have been difficult.  My mother-in-law lost a horrific battle with ALS in the beginning of July. My husband needed emergency surgery to remove his gall bladder in the end of July that resulted in a four day hospitalization and a lengthy recovery that is not yet complete. My little man has been sick most of the summer and we have been struggling to find answers and relief for him so that he can get back to his  normal two-year-old self.  There have been other stressors as well; for instance, all of these medical bills are mounting higher and higher as we close in on 14 months without insurance. And though we are making the payments that we can, where we can, each time a collection agency calls, it makes me wilt just a bit more.  And then there are the sleepless nights of teething fevers and persistent coughs…

But this blog is not a place to complain or to chronicle the hardships that I may face. I share some of my struggle because I wouldn’t feel honest if I only shared the things that make me smile.  In order to appreciate my laughter, you need to see a few of my tears as well. And if this blog is ever to be inspiring to others, I need to convince you that my quest for finding joy in my journey isn’t about living a charmed life but rather about living the life that I’ve been given with grace. After all, I wouldn’t need to “find” joy if I was living in a constant state of happiness.  Sometimes joy is most sweet when it is found in the midst of sorrow.

This week marks the beginning of a new school year and other big changes such as my little men and I not spending as much time together as I head to school and they head to daycare. So today, my joy was in another night cut short by Keilan’s cough. I certainly did not want to miss out on sleep, and I am very anxious for the day when my two-year old feels better. However, my short night bought me a little extra time with my guys (of course his cough wakes his brother as well), and it bought me a few minutes to get this blog up and going again too.

I’m sure there is much more I could say, but I really should go get ready for work. But while I get ready for a busy day, I will choose to feel grateful for a little extra time in my day rather than for a little sleep lost. After all, the sleep has already been lost, and sometimes the joy in the journey is found in the silver linings.  And though I don’t have time to share them all now, this summer has taught me that even big, dark, ominous clouds can have silver linings.  So today I will continue looking for silver linings, for joy in my journey, and though I still don’t have a clear schedule for this blog, I hope it might encourage others to find joy in their journeys as well.

Poor guy; just can’t seem to figure out how to make him feel better. But he’s awfully cute…even when he isn’t feel great.