Category Archives: Motherhood

Joy in Weakness

The great thing about two-year olds is that they are enthusiastic about trying new things and about doing things for themselves.  One of the most difficult things about having a two-year old, is that he likes to do things for himself.  As much as I love that Keilan wants to zip his own jacket, it can be devastating to watch him melt as he struggles to do it on his own; and even harder when he fights my assistance.  Sometimes it is maddening to watch him struggle for so long at a task that would be so easily accomplished if he would just allow me to help.

When Keilan was younger, getting from the car to the store was a pretty simple task. I would pick him up, and I would carry him in. Now, when he is feeling his  two year-old best, he often tries to run ahead without me when we get out of the car.  I love his enthusiasm, but even at his top speeds, we tend to move more slowly than if I were just to carry him.  At his top speeds, I often need to chase him down to get him back on course. And when he is keeping step with me, I need to adjust my stride to account for his little legs.  When he is feeling great, the idea of being carried is offensive.  My offer to carry him part of the way is met with an insistent, “I walk.”  However, when he is tired or not feeling his best, he often cries for me to carry him.  “No, down, Momma. Carry? Up, Momma?” and he rests his head on my shoulder.  Even though I am carrying his extra 33 pounds, I can still get him where we need to be more quickly those days because we aren’t in a struggle over which direction to go or at what speed we will get there.

Lately, I have been feeling a bit tired; weary.  There are a number of things that I am working on right now that I feel I might never accomplish, and a few decisions that I need to make where I am very uncertain of the answers.  I have two amazing boys; who don’t always sleep as long as I would like them to at night and who need constant tending to during the day.  Life isn’t bad, but it isn’t easy either. I am a bit tired, and I have been striving to find joy in this time of weakness.  Not just in celebrating the small stuff, but to find actual joy in the fact that I feel weary.

Keilan hasn’t been feeling great this week, and he has been quick to let me carry him when we have been out.  And, while I am eager for him to feel better, I have noticed that he has been exerting a little less independence than usual; I have been able to help him more easily.  Perhaps, this is where I find my joy.  In Corinthians 12: 7-10 (MSG), Paul writes that in a time where he felt weak, God gave him a reminder: “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”  Maybe my joy comes in weakness because in my weakness, I will give up on doing it in my own strength and be forced to rely on His.  Instead of running ahead, and quite possibly off course, I will let Him carry me.

Keilan is a toddler. He needs to struggle through zipping his coat and walking on his own; this is how he will learn and grow.  Maybe I need to go through this time of being tired in order to learn and grow as well.  But right now, I will not focus on why I am going through this time.  Instead, I will attempt to quit struggling and let my Heavenly Father carry me. I will find joy in my weakness and find that in Him I have strength. I will find joy as I move forward declaring, along with Paul, that this is, “A case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

Joy in Weakness

Celebrating the Small Stuff

I think it is important to celebrate the small stuff in life.  Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays are all great reasons to celebrate, but they don’t happen everyday, and I think every day calls for celebration.  That being said, some days are easier to celebrate than others.  Yesterday my “small stuff” turned three months old. Our little Kai has been making our family more fabulous for a quarter of a year already: this is reason to celebrate. Yesterday was also my best friend’s thirty-third birthday: this is reason to celebrate. However, even in the midst of great reasons to celebrate, it can still be easy to feel tired and to feel overwhelmed with life.

Yesterday was one of those days when the journey just felt a bit more arduous than joyful.  I am always striving to find joy in the journey, but some days it is easier than others. Yesterday morning the mountain of laundry and dishes seemed overwhelming, finishing my dissertation seemed like an impossible dream; and when my husband wished me a “good day” on his way out the door, I wasn’t really expecting a “good” day to actually materialize. I knew we were going out to celebrate my friend’s birthday at night, but the rest of “life” that we had to get through before then seemed significantly less than joyful. Then, as I cleaned up breakfast and finished the day’s first round of diaper changes, I realized that we were out of infant formula and I would need to make a trip to the grocery store: before Kai’s next feeding.

Most moms of two little boys are probably brave and venture out to the grocery store earlier than the youngest’s three-month mark, but I am not those moms.  I have avoided, up until yesterday, venturing out for groceries “by myself” with my two little boys.  Shopping with one of my little guys is a breeze: two seemed daunting. And I had been lucky enough to avoid this adventure…until now.  So, I packed up the boys, tried to time our outing around Kai’s morning nap, and I told myself that it was time to find joy in this new adventure: today’s “exciting” journey.  The great thing is, when you are determined to find joy, even in the midst of the mundane (or even daunting), it is there.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I prayed for a great parking spot, and I found one: right next to the cart corral, with extra room on each side for removing boys and maneuvering carts.  Today, I found joy in a blessed parking spot.

As I pulled the formula cans off the shelf, I handed them to Keilan, and we counted them together.  I smiled at his two-year old counting skills and his eagerness to help.  Today, I found joy in this “special” time with my little boys.

As we went to check out, the lines were long.  Then, as we finally approached the front of the line, a woman with a not-so-happy toddler in tow frantically asked to budge in front of me to pay for some toothpaste she had left in her cart. I can’t lie: as I let her approach the front of my line, my first instinct was to be annoyed.  After all, I had TWO little boys to keep happy, and she only had one.  But then my impatience departed just as quickly as it had arrived: I became overwhelmingly grateful to have TWO little boys living life with me and to have TWO little boys who were waiting patiently in my cart.  Kai even decided to throw me a winsome grin as if to remind me just how good my spot in line was.  Today, I found joy in letting someone budge in line.

Then, the most blessed gift of all: both boys fell asleep on the way home.  So I determined that since we were all loaded in the car and the boys were napping peacefully, I would just keep driving and we would meet my husband for lunch.  A quick text sent from the driveway confirmed our plans, and I headed out for a drive with my guys.  I swung through the McDonald’s drive-through for a coffee on the way and joyfully arrived at our destination half an hour early.  I parked and sipped my coffee in peace and quiet while the boys napped in the backseat.  I smiled at the brick wall in front of the car because, at that moment, a brick wall had never looked so good.  Sitting there in the warm car with my adorable little men in the backseat and a coffee in my hand felt as luxurious as any vacation I have ever taken.  And as I sat there, I said a prayer of thanks while I celebrated the small stuff: a trip to the grocery store, a chance to meet my husband for lunch, and…a brick wall.

Yesterday, joy wasn’t in simply “surviving” my day with the boys while I waited for the birthday celebration that night.  Joy was in celebrating all the small stuff along the way.  Yesterday, joy was in the journey.

Yes, I do take pictures ALL the time. I think it's important to document the small stuff: like a victorious trip to the grocery store with my cart "full" of boys :)

Yes, I do take pictures ALL the time. I think it is important to document the small stuff: like a victorious trip to the grocery store with my cart “full” of boys 🙂

Finding Joy in Having Someone to Disagree With

My brother-in-law recently got engaged to a woman whom he has been  in a relationship with for two years.  The “trick” to their relationship is that they have only been in each other’s presence for a grand total of three weeks over the course of those two years, as she has been living on the other side of the world; limiting conversations to email, phone, and Skype.  Just over a week ago, we were able to be at the airport for her much anticipated arrival: welcoming her into the country and into our family.

This week, we were able to share in a special dinner with my brother-in-law and new sister-in-law, and it was a wonderful time.  My boys are already very much in approval of this new aunt who is not only sweet and loving but also comes baring toy cars and candy.  As we cleaned up after dinner, my brother-in-law told me I could put one of the dishes in the kitchen; which I did.  However, my sister-in-law had a different plan. As soon as I entered the kitchen with the dish, she picked it up and carried it right back into the living room.  With a smile and a wink, I teased my brother-in-law: “You were wrong.”  He assured me that he has been wrong “a lot” in the last two weeks since her arrival, and that he didn’t mind it one bit.  “In fact,” he said with a smile, “I kinda like it.”

I am glad for the joy that my brother-in-law has found in his new wife, and I also find his joy to be profound.  How often do we find joy in being wrong?  Yes, they are newlyweds.  There will come a time when it will be less enjoyable to be wrong. But how wonderful it is when you value someone else’s presence so much that even disagreeing with them is made wonderful by the sole fact that they are there to disagree with.

My two-year old has recently begun saying “Thank you.”  I have been anxiously awaiting the addition of this phrase into his vocabulary, and I have celebrated each time he offers an adorable, “Sanks, Momma!” or “Tank Ew!”  Earlier this week, I asked Keilan to put his diaper in the garbage, and with his sweetest voice and most winsome grin, he offered a cheerful, “Ummm, no sanks!” Before bouncing away.  Catching me off guard, I needed a moment to form my response, and before I was able to say anything, he bounced right back, picked it up, and threw it away.  That time, I had no need for frustration, as he ultimately did what I had asked.  However, I was reminded of how I could find joy, even in defiance, when I looked at that adorable face.

I know a number of moms right now who are forced to be without their babies for one reason or another, and I get to live life with mine. I am blessed.  There are so many who would give anything to hear a defiant, little, “No sanks!” And just as my brother-in-law is experiencing the joys of “being wrong” with his new wife, I can choose to find joy even in those moments when my two-year old is refusing to join us for dinner and my two-month old is joining in with his own wails of complaint.  It might be loud, I might be “wrong,” but there are still so many reasons to find joy.

Keilan in Corner

My little man: even when he is melting down, he still melts my heart.