Category Archives: Reflection

Today, joy was sunshine.

I sat in the sun today. And it was awesome.  This has been an incredibly long winter that lasted long into our Minnesota “spring.” It has been cold and dreary, and today’s sunshine was such a welcome reprieve.  I believe that anyone who knows what it is like to survive a snowy start to May, will not take for granted a glorious, sun-filled afternoon like this one.  Today, joy was sunshine.

I always think that a long winter makes those summer moments so much more glorious.  We appreciate the things we have so much more when we have gone without them for a while.  This afternoon, both my boys are napping.  And it is awesome.  We have had a long stretch of sleepless nights and diarrhea filled days at our house, and I could have cried for joy this morning when both boys seemed much more “well.”  In addition to the fact that they seem to be on the mend, I slept for 5 hours straight last night.  I do not know the last time I slept for such a long chunk of time, and it was great.  Again, naps and “normal” sleep patterns were made so much more glorious because their absence had been great.  Today, joy was a little more sleep and the relief of boys on the mend.

As I reflect on the joy that comes from sitting in the sunshine after a long winter, or the joy of much needed rest, I am reminded of Psalms 30:5 (NKJV); “For his anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.”  Today I have found things to be joyful in, but there are still some “winters” that I am walking through.  And while I will relish in the joy of today’s sunshine, I will also look forward to the future with the hope that even though I might be going through some trying times, I can trust that, “His favor is for life.”  My family and I have some tough stuff that we are dealing with right now, but I’m holding on to the hope that this time of trial is “but for a moment.” And on the other side of this moment, I believe that we will have an appreciation for that new moment, that joy that comes in the morning; that we would not have had without having lived through this moment first.

As I strive to find joy in my journey, there might be times of weeping, but even in those times, I can still find joy because “His favor is for life.” And though my, “Weeping may endure for a night;” “Joy comes in the morning.”

Joy was sunshine.

Today, joy was a nap.

Today, joy was a nap. Kai has been an extremely pleasant, easy-going baby, and he has been sleeping through the night for weeks now: clearly, an over-achieving three month old.  However, for the past week he has decided to switch things up, and he has been getting up multiple times during the night again.  Last night he took a “nap” at 9:00, was up again by 10:00, and didn’t go to bed “for the night” until a little after 11:00.  He was up at 2:30, and again at 4:00.  We all slept from 5:00-7:00, when his brother started to stir, and I woke up with a killer headache.  Factor in a head cold and a snowstorm in April, and this could have been a recipe for disaster.  But it wasn’t.

This morning, after breakfast, I gave both boys a bath, and that’s when it happened: Kai took a nap.  He doesn’t often sleep well during the day, but today he did.  Just when I needed a “break,” I got one.  He slept long enough that I got to do some dishes; spend some overdue one-on-one time with Keilan; enjoy a cup of coffee while cuddling with Keilan & his favorite, Finding Nemo; have a nice, quite lunch (as quiet as lunch with a two-year-old boy can be!); and (thanks to their naps overlapping for almost half an hour) I even got to work out for 27 minutes before he woke up.

I’m still tired, and my sinuses are still declaring mutiny; but today I needed a little reprieve from life-as-usual, and I was given one.  Rather than bemoan my cold or wish I had been able to make my work out an even half hour, I will be grateful for the break I received and take joy in that.  Today, joy was a nap.

Joy was a nap.

Joy: 15¢/bag

When it comes to language, I’m a bit of a nerd.  I appreciate the multiple facets that any given word can have.  Take, for instance, the word “joy.” The first definition of “joy,” as listed by Merriam Webster, encompasses a fairly broad range of emotions and situations: “The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.”  I am comfortable with finding “joy” in my journey because it is bigger than simply desiring to be happy all the time.  I feel it encompasses feelings broader than happiness: feelings of contentment, pride, excitement, and accomplishment.

However, I also think it is important to look for joy as Merriam Webster’s third definition defines it: “A source or cause of delight.”  Because while finding joy might not always result in feeling happy, I feel we must not overlook sources of delight in our daily journeys either.  For example, last week I found that you can purchase joy at Target for just 15¢/bag.

After Easter this year, I decided to buy a few bags of easter grass when it was 70% off.  I figured that a bag of easter grass would provide me and Keilan with a fun, and inexpensive, activity to do together some afternoon.  After all, what two-year old doesn’t enjoy having something new to explore?  So a few days later I dumped two bags of easter grass and some magnetic letters into a plastic bin and gave it to Keilan. He immediately found this to be a “source of delight.” As he searched through the grass, the look on his face was evidence that he was experiencing joy, as Webster’s student dictionary defines it: a feeling of great pleasure or happiness. And I found great joy in his.

Later, I was struck by the simplicity of that easter grass.  It wasn’t anything terribly special.  It certainly didn’t have a high monetary value. And yet, it was a source of delight. I did not go to the store looking to purchase joy; but when I experienced this simple thing through the eyes of a child, joy was what I found.

It is easy to feel that we would experience greater joy if we had more money, if we had more vacation time, if we could travel to far off places, etc. However, I think the secret to possessing more joy isn’t in gaining things we don’t have but in appreciating the sources of joy that we already possess.  This time I purchased joy for 15¢/bag, but the joy didn’t come from my extravagant purchase.  It came in appreciating something ordinary as something more.

So, as I continue on my quest to find joy in my journey, I might not always be blissful.  However, I can strive to appreciate the things I have. I can stop coveting things I do not possess. I can see things through the wonder-filled eyes of a child. And if I am on the look out for “sources of delight,” in everyday experiences, I might find myself residing in yet another facet of “joy” just a bit more often: experiencing a sweet “state of happiness” as I journey along.

Joy: 15¢/bag

Joy in Weakness

The great thing about two-year olds is that they are enthusiastic about trying new things and about doing things for themselves.  One of the most difficult things about having a two-year old, is that he likes to do things for himself.  As much as I love that Keilan wants to zip his own jacket, it can be devastating to watch him melt as he struggles to do it on his own; and even harder when he fights my assistance.  Sometimes it is maddening to watch him struggle for so long at a task that would be so easily accomplished if he would just allow me to help.

When Keilan was younger, getting from the car to the store was a pretty simple task. I would pick him up, and I would carry him in. Now, when he is feeling his  two year-old best, he often tries to run ahead without me when we get out of the car.  I love his enthusiasm, but even at his top speeds, we tend to move more slowly than if I were just to carry him.  At his top speeds, I often need to chase him down to get him back on course. And when he is keeping step with me, I need to adjust my stride to account for his little legs.  When he is feeling great, the idea of being carried is offensive.  My offer to carry him part of the way is met with an insistent, “I walk.”  However, when he is tired or not feeling his best, he often cries for me to carry him.  “No, down, Momma. Carry? Up, Momma?” and he rests his head on my shoulder.  Even though I am carrying his extra 33 pounds, I can still get him where we need to be more quickly those days because we aren’t in a struggle over which direction to go or at what speed we will get there.

Lately, I have been feeling a bit tired; weary.  There are a number of things that I am working on right now that I feel I might never accomplish, and a few decisions that I need to make where I am very uncertain of the answers.  I have two amazing boys; who don’t always sleep as long as I would like them to at night and who need constant tending to during the day.  Life isn’t bad, but it isn’t easy either. I am a bit tired, and I have been striving to find joy in this time of weakness.  Not just in celebrating the small stuff, but to find actual joy in the fact that I feel weary.

Keilan hasn’t been feeling great this week, and he has been quick to let me carry him when we have been out.  And, while I am eager for him to feel better, I have noticed that he has been exerting a little less independence than usual; I have been able to help him more easily.  Perhaps, this is where I find my joy.  In Corinthians 12: 7-10 (MSG), Paul writes that in a time where he felt weak, God gave him a reminder: “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”  Maybe my joy comes in weakness because in my weakness, I will give up on doing it in my own strength and be forced to rely on His.  Instead of running ahead, and quite possibly off course, I will let Him carry me.

Keilan is a toddler. He needs to struggle through zipping his coat and walking on his own; this is how he will learn and grow.  Maybe I need to go through this time of being tired in order to learn and grow as well.  But right now, I will not focus on why I am going through this time.  Instead, I will attempt to quit struggling and let my Heavenly Father carry me. I will find joy in my weakness and find that in Him I have strength. I will find joy as I move forward declaring, along with Paul, that this is, “A case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

Joy in Weakness

Welcome to my journey.

Welcome to my journey. Journeys, by definition, are about movement, passage, and progress. While a journey should take you from one point to another, the journey is not just about the point “you were at” or the point “you are moving towards,” but rather it is about all the little points along the way where “you are.” Today I find myself on a journey; and while I’m proud of where I have been, and I have some clear goals for places I’d like to arrive at and things I would like to achieve; this blog is simply a glimpse into the place where I am.

Where am I? Well, I am married to my best friend, and we have two incredible little boys: a 2 year  old and a 2 month old. I am spending my 11th year in education not in the classroom, but rather as a full-time mommy and student.  I decided last year to take a sabbatical leave from my teaching “gig” to finish my dissertation and gain internship hours towards my principal and superintendent licensures.  Once it was granted, I learned that I was pregnant, and over the summer our nanny quit…so, now I am a full-time student and a full-time mom.  By definition, a sabbatical is a period of rest. So where am I? I’m resting 😉

As I look at the list of things I hoped to accomplish this year, “rest” would not appear to be on the top of my priority list. However, it has been my intention to take a rest from “normal” life, and to make this year a productive one where I don’t take my daily schedule for granted…I will not get up every morning and go to work at the same time, and that will be ok. Some days I might be more mommy than student, and other days the scale may tip the other direction, and I am going to “rest” in knowing that both will be ok.  This morning, I woke up with the all-too-common feelings of panic about what I should do first or how I’ll ever get it all done, and I was reminded of Philippians 4:6&7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  So I will continue to “rest” in the peace that God gives. I will rest in knowing that I can trust God to figure out the details as Proverbs 3:5&6 states: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart an learn not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  As much as I may plan where I think I am going on this journey of life, I have found that God’s plans are greater than mine, and when I trust in him to lead me, I am reassured by the words of Jeremiah 29:11, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

So where am I? I’m here!  Currently, I am sitting on the couch cuddling with my 2 month old while my 2 year old naps.  I have wanted to start a blog for some time now to help me remember and share all the little moments along my journey; so today I decided to forego vacuuming and to dive in. What will tomorrow bring?  What do I see for the future of this blog?  I’m not certain of the details, but I am certain that I will choose each day to “rest” and to find joy in my journey.

photo