Tag Archives: journey

Diggers, Laryngitis, and Joy

The route that I take to and from work each day has been under construction for months, and each day on the way to and from work, it has caused me delays. At first, I was very tempted to complain about the inconvenience. But each time I have felt the temptation to complain, I have heard my Keilan-boy in the back seat cheering on the “Diggers!” and “Cranes!” and “Work trucks!” and I am challenged to once again find joy in my journey: even when it is under construction.  This morning on our drive to childcare and work, we were able to avoid a messy looking stretch, and while I let out a sigh of relief, Keilan let out a moan of disappointment as we turned away: “Mom, no! Not turn. This way: diggers!” I assured him that there would be more road construction ahead, that delays were still coming; and I laughed to myself as I determined that he was the only one in all of rush hour traffic who would be appeased by such an assurance.

It is the beginning of another school year; and along with a classroom full of rambunctious first graders, I was also gifted with their germs. Though I thought I had built up a decent immunity to elementary-age illness over my career in education, my year away must have weakened my immunities because after only three days with students I came down with a horrible sore throat and headache. I am currently on day 5 of this particular bug, and while I am actually starting to feel a bit better, I have no voice. When I got up this morning, I didn’t think much of it. I assumed that it would get better as the day progressed. However, by the time I dropped the boys off at their childcare provider’s home, I was barely able to tell her about their early morning antics. At school, the decision was made to find me a guest teacher and to send me home. It took a little while to get things settled, but I had my lesson plans pulled together and was handing my class off to another teacher a little before 10:00.

As I left the building, I was feeling irritated that the day was working out the way it had: it is never easy to miss a day of school, and it seems there is a potential for an absence to be particularly detrimental this early in the year. But as I started my drive home, I could picture a certain little two-year old of mine in the backseat cheering on the construction crews, and I decided that I could choose to admire the “diggers and cranes” of an unplanned day “off” instead of getting caught up in the inconveniences and discomfort of laryngitis.

So, today, I am finding joy in laryngitis and road construction.  Maybe laryngitis is God’s way of telling me to slow down and rest for a day; maybe this is a little  scheduled maintenance, some construction that was necessary to the successful completion of my journey.  But in spite of questioning “why” I have laryngitis, I will choose instead to find joy in this time. Rather than simply wish the inconvenience and discomfort away, I will choose to enjoy the rest and to be grateful I can pick my boys up a little bit early today for some extra family time tonight.  Maybe we can even take advantage of the extra time by driving through a little more road construction than we need to on the drive home tonight 😉

This Guy Inspires Joy :)

This Guy Inspires Joy 🙂

Diapers, Dissertations, and Dreams

When I first thought about this blog, I thought about titling it: “Diapers, Dissertations, and Dreams” …because I like alliteration 😉 But also because it captured two of my dreams for this year, two pieces to my current journey: being a mom and being a student. Today is the last day of this school year.  This means it is the last day of my sabbatical leave from my teaching job: the last day of my “rest” from the “usual” to complete my dissertation. This makes today a day of reflection.

When I think about this year, my emotions are overwhelming.  I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to take a year of “rest.”  I feel entirely frustrated that I was not more productive: my dissertation, my reason for this break, is still a long way from completion. And my principal internships went well, but I still have not met with the licensing board to attain my principal’s license.  However, alongside that frustration, there are also immense feelings of gratitude.  I am so grateful to have had this time with my boys. Though this year did not bring a new degree, it did bring a new, miraculous baby boy into our family. And not only did it bring us a healthy baby boy, this year provided me with time to be at home with Kai in these first few months of his life.

To be perfectly honest, today is a difficult day: reflection often is.  I find myself crying through much of today. I have cried tears of regret over things not finished followed by tears of gratitude for the blessing of things so much better than I could have ever imagined.  There have been tears over things lost and things gained.

I feel regret that not only was I unable to finish my dissertation during this sabbatical leave, I was also rather unsuccessful at improving my house-making skills with the additional time: unfortunately the laundry still isn’t finished and the house is only moderately clean. And at the same time, I feel exhausted; as though keeping up with two boys every day was challenge enough in itself.

However, in the midst of the regrets and exhaustion, there is joy and blessing too. Each time Keilan says something adorable (which is ALL the time), I am flooded with joy at this amazing little guy who God chose to bless our family with. I remember all the good times we have had this year: fingerpainting, reading, snuggling on the couch after nap time, taking trips to Target, sharing sweet lunch conversations, building forts, and knocking down towers; and I am overjoyed to have had this time to enjoy everyday life with this little boy and his brother.

I feel I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t confess that I also find myself suppressing feelings of dread; knowing that I will soon return to my teaching job full-time and will miss out on some of these precious, everyday moments.  But, with that confession stated, I will actively choose to remember all that I have to be grateful for.  I am, once again, so grateful to have had this extra time with my boys; and I am also so grateful to have an opportunity to return to teaching: a calling I feel honored to answer.

So, today, my journey finds me in a time of reflection. This is the end of my sabbatical year, but it is not the end of my work, nor is it the end of my dreams. My dissertation may not be finished yet, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be eventually. Those diapers? I’m changing oh so many of those…and I’m oh so glad to do it 😉  I’m a mom. I’m a student. I’m an educator. I’m many other things as well, and I’m on a journey.

I have challenged myself to keep this blog as a place to record my search for joy on that journey. Merrian-Webster defines joy as, “The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.”

I may not yet possess all of my “desires” (i.e. this degree or 8 hours of sleep a night), but if I continue to trust that God’s plans are greater than mine (Proverbs 3:5,6; Jeremiah 29:11) and if I align my desires with His, than I can certainly find hope and joy in the “prospect” of attaining those desires (Psalm 37:4).  And I will move forward from this sabbatical year joyfully: grateful for all of the times of “well-being, success, and good fortune” that I have already experienced and hopeful about the “prospect” of good things to come.

This picture was not posed: one day I watched my little man climb into a tub to read...and his book of choice? The Dissertation Journey :)

This picture was not posed: one day I watched my little man climb into a tub to read…and his book of choice?
The Dissertation Journey
🙂

Joy in the journey of a teacher…

Today is the end of the school year for a number of people that I know.  Most people recognize the end of the year as an exciting time for students and families. But what they may not realize, is that the end of the school year is a really hard time for most teachers.  I did not have a “typical” teaching year this year, but I still feel the weight of this season. And I offer my fellow teachers a virtual high-five and a great big hug too.  There is certainly joy in the journey of a teacher, but that joy is often complicated at the close of the school year.

“You’re lucky you’re a teacher. I wish I had the summers off.”  Is a common phrase uttered by the family members and friends of teachers at this time of year. And while I understand that there is a great freedom that comes from having a few weeks off each summer, those who are quick to profess these feelings of envy clearly do not understand what makes one “lucky” to be a teacher.

What few people understand is that the end of the school year is hard on teachers.  When the last bus has left and the halls are empty, you might expect to see teachers dancing down the halls, doing cartwheels of relief and joy over the successful completion of yet another year.  However, in my experience, the hallways are often eerily quiet and teachers’ faces are solemn and puffy from a day full of good-byes and tears. Our students are important to us; we know what they are passionate about, what triggers can upset their day, and we know more “technical” details about their ability to learn than most people will ever begin to understand.

Although I typically feel a multitude of emotions on the last day of school, one of the strongest is a sense of loss. In the best of cases, there are the students who you know are headed home to summers full of fun and learning with their family and friends.  You know they will be happy, but they will be missed: you just spent somewhere in the vicinity of 1,000 hours with their smiling faces and their spunky personalities over the last nine months, and now you might never see them again. All students will be missed, but in some cases, there is more felt than just a desire to watch their futures unfold: there is the complication of concerns for children you care so deeply about. In some cases, you are filled with concern over the learning that might be lost as students spend much of their time alone or with their video games for enrichment.  In the worst of cases, you send some students home not knowing what their summers will bring.  Sometimes you know they might go hungry or you know each day will be a struggle to survive any number of tumultuous experiences over those summer months until the regularity of the school year begins again.  Sometimes you receive the promise of a social worker that regular wellness checks will be done, but that is rare.  Most of the time, you are helpless to do more than send them off with your prayers, a backpack full of snacks, and a new pair of flip flops you hope will remind them that they are important to you as they journey into their future; wherever that might be.

Tonight, many teachers will cry themselves to sleep because they didn’t become teachers for the summers off. They became teachers because they had a passion for teaching and for students; for the students they have loved and protected and taught for the past nine months. The ones who are now out of their care for the summer.

Tomorrow morning, teachers will wake up with headaches from crying themselves to sleep and from sleep deprivation brought on by the past week of late nights: finishing report cards, making memory books for their students, and planning the last field trip of the year.  They will feel exhausted both physically and emotionally as they head to their classrooms to pack up another year of memories.  They will leave the school building late in the day, many will return next week to finish packing and cleaning, and they will meet their friends to celebrate another year.  There will be reason to celebrate. There will be joy at the accomplishments of the year, there will be the hope of a summer to heal, and there will also be gratitude for the opportunity to begin all over again in the fall.

So, if you know a teacher who is finishing up the school year, offer him or her an extra hug this week…and, in my experience, gifts of caffeine are always appreciated as well.  As a teacher, I know that I am “lucky” but I also know that it isn’t because of the summers off.  We aren’t paid over the summer, and consequently, many teachers are forced to find work over the summer; either teaching summer school or at other seasonal or part-time jobs.  And for those who don’t work, there will certainly be work to do: researching ways to improve our teaching and searching Pinterest for great new bulletin board ideas and literacy center work.  Summers are great, but our students are great-er 🙂  They are the reason we do the work we do.  We are lucky because we have the awesome, humbling opportunity to impact the future by impacting these little lives entrusted to us. Teachers, today, hang on to the joy in your journey: in your calling and your work. And allow yourself to feel joy in the gift of a summer to rest and repair.

teacher pic

A healthy dose of laughter

Keilan has a straw hat that he loves to wear around the house. It is far too small. But he must find a certain pride in wearing it because every time I put it away, he pulls it out again. And each time, with a winsome grin, he plops it on his head and shouts a hearty, “Yee Haw!”

Keilan found his hat again today, and after a few whoops and circles run around the living room, he plopped down on the floor next to Logan, our 8 year old poshie (pomeranian & sheltie mix).  Logan has been a good big sister to both our little guys, and she is quite tolerant of their antics; so she simply gave Keilan a glance that was only a touch more than apathetic and looked the other way.

As Logan looked away, I saw something happen. I saw an idea dawn and excitement spread across Keilan’s face. In one swift motion, he lifted the hat from his head and landed it on Logan’s.  Being the patient pooch that she is, she gave him an indignant look; but made no effort to move. Keilan took one look at Logan and began to laugh.  It was a wonderful laugh that came from the pit of his belly, and it rolled out of him until he began to roll on the floor; simply beside himself with this wonderful new joke that he had played.  Although I joined in with his contagious laughter until tears ran down my face, I did eventually rescue Logan, and Keilan was devastated. But only momentarily.

Just as quickly as his first idea had dawned, the second seemed to leap to his mind as well, and he leapt off the floor and over toward his four-month-old brother.  The straw hat landed on Kai’s head, who wobbled as only a four-month-old can, and he grinned up at his big brother.  Keilan met his grin by doubling over with the most genuine of laughter, stemming from the most genuine type of delight.

I think, in that moment, Keilan learned something about telling a joke, about manipulating his world in such a way that it brings laughter and joy.

As I attempted to protect the head of my four month old, without destroying the excitement of my two year old, I became his next victim.  I saw the gleam build in his eyes as he contemplated how this joke had been funny on both the dog and on his brother; and how it would surely be equally hilarious on his mom.  As the hat landed on my head, he landed on the floor; once again, beside himself with the joy of the moment.  What was fabulous about this laugh was that it was not the canned laughter that comes after a terrible joke on late night television: this was the real thing, straight from the pit of a two-year-old’s tummy.

To be honest, much about today was less than awesome.  Both boys had difficulty sleeping last night; which meant I started the day feeling tired. We were without electricity for about 6 hours today; which meant meal prep was difficult, the laundry had to wait, I couldn’t make a pot of coffee, and my phone went uncharged. Patrick worked at both his jobs today so it was just me and my guys from breakfast until bedtime without Dad around to help. This evening was spent with my in-laws, who had power, but are struggling to make it through each day as my mother-in-law creeps closer and closer to the end of her horrific battle with ALS.

Some days are challenging, and today was just one of those days.  Don’t get me wrong; the day had some good points too, but overall, I’d only give this day a 5 on a 10 point scale of awesomeness.

However, as I remember today, I will choose to call to mind that silly straw hat and my baby boy’s full-bodied, belly laugh rather than the not-so-awesome stuff.  Proverbs 17: 22, says that “Laughter does good, like a medicine,” and today I got a healthy dose. The journey isn’t always joyful, but there will always be joy in the journey. And today, that joy was in my little man’s laugh.

I was too busy enjoying the moment to get a recording of that amazing laughter, but I was fast enough to capture a few pics of Kei's handiwork...and hours later, the picture of us wearing his hat still made him double over with laughter :)

I was too busy enjoying the moment to get a recording of that amazing laughter, but I was fast enough to capture a few pics of Kei’s handiwork…and hours later, the picture of us wearing his hat still made him double over with laughter 🙂

Welcome to my journey.

Welcome to my journey. Journeys, by definition, are about movement, passage, and progress. While a journey should take you from one point to another, the journey is not just about the point “you were at” or the point “you are moving towards,” but rather it is about all the little points along the way where “you are.” Today I find myself on a journey; and while I’m proud of where I have been, and I have some clear goals for places I’d like to arrive at and things I would like to achieve; this blog is simply a glimpse into the place where I am.

Where am I? Well, I am married to my best friend, and we have two incredible little boys: a 2 year  old and a 2 month old. I am spending my 11th year in education not in the classroom, but rather as a full-time mommy and student.  I decided last year to take a sabbatical leave from my teaching “gig” to finish my dissertation and gain internship hours towards my principal and superintendent licensures.  Once it was granted, I learned that I was pregnant, and over the summer our nanny quit…so, now I am a full-time student and a full-time mom.  By definition, a sabbatical is a period of rest. So where am I? I’m resting 😉

As I look at the list of things I hoped to accomplish this year, “rest” would not appear to be on the top of my priority list. However, it has been my intention to take a rest from “normal” life, and to make this year a productive one where I don’t take my daily schedule for granted…I will not get up every morning and go to work at the same time, and that will be ok. Some days I might be more mommy than student, and other days the scale may tip the other direction, and I am going to “rest” in knowing that both will be ok.  This morning, I woke up with the all-too-common feelings of panic about what I should do first or how I’ll ever get it all done, and I was reminded of Philippians 4:6&7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  So I will continue to “rest” in the peace that God gives. I will rest in knowing that I can trust God to figure out the details as Proverbs 3:5&6 states: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart an learn not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  As much as I may plan where I think I am going on this journey of life, I have found that God’s plans are greater than mine, and when I trust in him to lead me, I am reassured by the words of Jeremiah 29:11, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

So where am I? I’m here!  Currently, I am sitting on the couch cuddling with my 2 month old while my 2 year old naps.  I have wanted to start a blog for some time now to help me remember and share all the little moments along my journey; so today I decided to forego vacuuming and to dive in. What will tomorrow bring?  What do I see for the future of this blog?  I’m not certain of the details, but I am certain that I will choose each day to “rest” and to find joy in my journey.

photo