Tag Archives: sabbatical

Diapers, Dissertations, and Dreams

When I first thought about this blog, I thought about titling it: “Diapers, Dissertations, and Dreams” …because I like alliteration 😉 But also because it captured two of my dreams for this year, two pieces to my current journey: being a mom and being a student. Today is the last day of this school year.  This means it is the last day of my sabbatical leave from my teaching job: the last day of my “rest” from the “usual” to complete my dissertation. This makes today a day of reflection.

When I think about this year, my emotions are overwhelming.  I feel so blessed to have had this opportunity to take a year of “rest.”  I feel entirely frustrated that I was not more productive: my dissertation, my reason for this break, is still a long way from completion. And my principal internships went well, but I still have not met with the licensing board to attain my principal’s license.  However, alongside that frustration, there are also immense feelings of gratitude.  I am so grateful to have had this time with my boys. Though this year did not bring a new degree, it did bring a new, miraculous baby boy into our family. And not only did it bring us a healthy baby boy, this year provided me with time to be at home with Kai in these first few months of his life.

To be perfectly honest, today is a difficult day: reflection often is.  I find myself crying through much of today. I have cried tears of regret over things not finished followed by tears of gratitude for the blessing of things so much better than I could have ever imagined.  There have been tears over things lost and things gained.

I feel regret that not only was I unable to finish my dissertation during this sabbatical leave, I was also rather unsuccessful at improving my house-making skills with the additional time: unfortunately the laundry still isn’t finished and the house is only moderately clean. And at the same time, I feel exhausted; as though keeping up with two boys every day was challenge enough in itself.

However, in the midst of the regrets and exhaustion, there is joy and blessing too. Each time Keilan says something adorable (which is ALL the time), I am flooded with joy at this amazing little guy who God chose to bless our family with. I remember all the good times we have had this year: fingerpainting, reading, snuggling on the couch after nap time, taking trips to Target, sharing sweet lunch conversations, building forts, and knocking down towers; and I am overjoyed to have had this time to enjoy everyday life with this little boy and his brother.

I feel I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t confess that I also find myself suppressing feelings of dread; knowing that I will soon return to my teaching job full-time and will miss out on some of these precious, everyday moments.  But, with that confession stated, I will actively choose to remember all that I have to be grateful for.  I am, once again, so grateful to have had this extra time with my boys; and I am also so grateful to have an opportunity to return to teaching: a calling I feel honored to answer.

So, today, my journey finds me in a time of reflection. This is the end of my sabbatical year, but it is not the end of my work, nor is it the end of my dreams. My dissertation may not be finished yet, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be eventually. Those diapers? I’m changing oh so many of those…and I’m oh so glad to do it 😉  I’m a mom. I’m a student. I’m an educator. I’m many other things as well, and I’m on a journey.

I have challenged myself to keep this blog as a place to record my search for joy on that journey. Merrian-Webster defines joy as, “The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.”

I may not yet possess all of my “desires” (i.e. this degree or 8 hours of sleep a night), but if I continue to trust that God’s plans are greater than mine (Proverbs 3:5,6; Jeremiah 29:11) and if I align my desires with His, than I can certainly find hope and joy in the “prospect” of attaining those desires (Psalm 37:4).  And I will move forward from this sabbatical year joyfully: grateful for all of the times of “well-being, success, and good fortune” that I have already experienced and hopeful about the “prospect” of good things to come.

This picture was not posed: one day I watched my little man climb into a tub to read...and his book of choice? The Dissertation Journey :)

This picture was not posed: one day I watched my little man climb into a tub to read…and his book of choice?
The Dissertation Journey
🙂

Welcome to my journey.

Welcome to my journey. Journeys, by definition, are about movement, passage, and progress. While a journey should take you from one point to another, the journey is not just about the point “you were at” or the point “you are moving towards,” but rather it is about all the little points along the way where “you are.” Today I find myself on a journey; and while I’m proud of where I have been, and I have some clear goals for places I’d like to arrive at and things I would like to achieve; this blog is simply a glimpse into the place where I am.

Where am I? Well, I am married to my best friend, and we have two incredible little boys: a 2 year  old and a 2 month old. I am spending my 11th year in education not in the classroom, but rather as a full-time mommy and student.  I decided last year to take a sabbatical leave from my teaching “gig” to finish my dissertation and gain internship hours towards my principal and superintendent licensures.  Once it was granted, I learned that I was pregnant, and over the summer our nanny quit…so, now I am a full-time student and a full-time mom.  By definition, a sabbatical is a period of rest. So where am I? I’m resting 😉

As I look at the list of things I hoped to accomplish this year, “rest” would not appear to be on the top of my priority list. However, it has been my intention to take a rest from “normal” life, and to make this year a productive one where I don’t take my daily schedule for granted…I will not get up every morning and go to work at the same time, and that will be ok. Some days I might be more mommy than student, and other days the scale may tip the other direction, and I am going to “rest” in knowing that both will be ok.  This morning, I woke up with the all-too-common feelings of panic about what I should do first or how I’ll ever get it all done, and I was reminded of Philippians 4:6&7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  So I will continue to “rest” in the peace that God gives. I will rest in knowing that I can trust God to figure out the details as Proverbs 3:5&6 states: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart an learn not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  As much as I may plan where I think I am going on this journey of life, I have found that God’s plans are greater than mine, and when I trust in him to lead me, I am reassured by the words of Jeremiah 29:11, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

So where am I? I’m here!  Currently, I am sitting on the couch cuddling with my 2 month old while my 2 year old naps.  I have wanted to start a blog for some time now to help me remember and share all the little moments along my journey; so today I decided to forego vacuuming and to dive in. What will tomorrow bring?  What do I see for the future of this blog?  I’m not certain of the details, but I am certain that I will choose each day to “rest” and to find joy in my journey.

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