The great thing about two-year olds is that they are enthusiastic about trying new things and about doing things for themselves.  One of the most difficult things about having a two-year old, is that he likes to do things for himself.  As much as I love that Keilan wants to zip his own jacket, it can be devastating to watch him melt as he struggles to do it on his own; and even harder when he fights my assistance.  Sometimes it is maddening to watch him struggle for so long at a task that would be so easily accomplished if he would just allow me to help.

When Keilan was younger, getting from the car to the store was a pretty simple task. I would pick him up, and I would carry him in. Now, when he is feeling his  two year-old best, he often tries to run ahead without me when we get out of the car.  I love his enthusiasm, but even at his top speeds, we tend to move more slowly than if I were just to carry him.  At his top speeds, I often need to chase him down to get him back on course. And when he is keeping step with me, I need to adjust my stride to account for his little legs.  When he is feeling great, the idea of being carried is offensive.  My offer to carry him part of the way is met with an insistent, “I walk.”  However, when he is tired or not feeling his best, he often cries for me to carry him.  “No, down, Momma. Carry? Up, Momma?” and he rests his head on my shoulder.  Even though I am carrying his extra 33 pounds, I can still get him where we need to be more quickly those days because we aren’t in a struggle over which direction to go or at what speed we will get there.

Lately, I have been feeling a bit tired; weary.  There are a number of things that I am working on right now that I feel I might never accomplish, and a few decisions that I need to make where I am very uncertain of the answers.  I have two amazing boys; who don’t always sleep as long as I would like them to at night and who need constant tending to during the day.  Life isn’t bad, but it isn’t easy either. I am a bit tired, and I have been striving to find joy in this time of weakness.  Not just in celebrating the small stuff, but to find actual joy in the fact that I feel weary.

Keilan hasn’t been feeling great this week, and he has been quick to let me carry him when we have been out.  And, while I am eager for him to feel better, I have noticed that he has been exerting a little less independence than usual; I have been able to help him more easily.  Perhaps, this is where I find my joy.  In Corinthians 12: 7-10 (MSG), Paul writes that in a time where he felt weak, God gave him a reminder: “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”  Maybe my joy comes in weakness because in my weakness, I will give up on doing it in my own strength and be forced to rely on His.  Instead of running ahead, and quite possibly off course, I will let Him carry me.

Keilan is a toddler. He needs to struggle through zipping his coat and walking on his own; this is how he will learn and grow.  Maybe I need to go through this time of being tired in order to learn and grow as well.  But right now, I will not focus on why I am going through this time.  Instead, I will attempt to quit struggling and let my Heavenly Father carry me. I will find joy in my weakness and find that in Him I have strength. I will find joy as I move forward declaring, along with Paul, that this is, “A case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”